


Thorin's Worst Night

by ValkyrieSigyn



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Don't drink elfish wine, Drunkenness, F/M, Galadriel is a tease, I Don't Even Know, Implied Sexual Content, Majestic Thorin, Thorin Is an Idiot, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-18
Updated: 2013-06-18
Packaged: 2017-12-15 09:04:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/847731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValkyrieSigyn/pseuds/ValkyrieSigyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, Thorin finds his stay in Rivendell absolutely horrible, and starts drinking, and then Galadriel shows up. Warning: cracked!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thorin's Worst Night

**Author's Note:**

> Written a late night when I was bored, so hereby you are warned!

Thorin sighed and refilled his mug with mead – the other dwarves obviously didn’t have any problems with being in Rivendell as long as the elves had enough food and drinks for them, but he himself felt like he was lost. At least he could drink his sorrows away so he could forget most about it when they left tomorrow morning.

An hour later he growled as the barrel with mead was empty – he had drank it all alone, still it wasn’t enough to soothe the desperation by being stuck with those damned pointy-ears everywhere around them. At least the others seemed to have fun, except from the poor hobbit that had evacuated from the company to seek shelter in his own room, after borrowing a few books with Elrond.

“What is bothering you?” a soft voice suddenly asked.

Thorin jumped and looked over his shoulder, finding Galadriel standing behind the bench where he sat and looking down at him; like the situation could get any worse, now the elves even tried to company him, and not just a random elf, it was the witch of Lothlorien. “Everything about this place.” He mumbled and drank what’s left of the mead, for then looking at the mug with sorrowed eyes; he wasn’t drunk enough, and now Galadriel tried to have a conversation.

“I hope this can help then?” she asked as she sat down beside him, holding a bottle of wine.

“You expect me to drink that, witch?” he asked with an almost disgusted face.

“We can share it if you doubt the wine, master dwarf.” She smiled to him and found two glasses for them and placed them on the table in front of them.

“You’re an elf; you would survive your own witchcraft.” He spat and looked at the glasses with thirsty eyes – maybe that could blow his mind away until tomorrow morning.

“I have no plans to hurt you; I just want to reach out a hand.” She smiled and handed him one glass before she took a sip of her own – the red content was almost shining, like it told Thorin to drink it.

“Let it be.” Thorin mumbled and downed the glass.

*

“No, Thorin, this is a fit place for a private conversation” Galadriel smiled and pulled the dwarf king through the door to her chambers, a soft laughter from her beautiful mouth as she saw his surprised face.

“I just didn’t expect the conversation to turn private.” Thorin said as she gently pushed him against the wall – why the hell did his heart beat so fast? And why did he suddenly find her both attractive and charming, he who had always considered her disgustingly beautiful and superior, like most elves. She had never been any different from them, why was he now finding her even charming? “Why private?” he asked and tried to smile, but his breath was too shallow as his body obviously had something else on mind than being polite.

“Why shouldn’t we?” she smiled and let a hand run under his jaw and stop under his chin, lifting his face. “I have always wanted to get to know you better, Thorin.”  
The way she said his name made him warm, warm in a way he had never been around an elf and never thought he would be for that matter. He looked her in her eyes, seeing there was a completely different sparkle in them now – either she was thinking the same as him, or she was drunk as well. Maybe both, just like him. She stepped away from him, before elegantly turning and heading towards a couch, and almost tripped as she sat down. Yes, she was drunk too, there had to be something about the elfish wine after all.

She sat down and looked at him, a naughty smile on her lips as she lifted a hand and with a simple move with a finger told him to follow her. He willingly did, but in his mind he wondered when he started to obey elves. Tonight, obviously.

As he sat down beside her, she took his hand in hers, for then placing it on her waist – he lifted his eyebrows, surprised that Galadriel could be so daring, but that was nothing compared to her next move; she pushed him back and sat on top of him, grabbing his other hand and placing it on one of her breasts before she leant down and kissed him.

***

Thorin woke up next morning with the worst hangover for at least hundred years. He first opened one eye and the light was blinding him painfully and he rolled over on the other side – and stared right at Galadriel who smiled to him.

“I see you have awoken.” She said with her soft voice and gently pulled a fringe of hair away from his face.

He stared at her in shock, not believing he had slept in the same bed as an elf, and by all elves, Galadriel. He rolled over on his back, staring at the ceiling and wondering if this was another of his nightmares as she gently stroked a hand over his belly and down, and he realized he was naked. He looked over at her again, realizing she was still there, and also noticing she was naked.

“Can you tell me why I am naked in the same bed as you?” he asked with a voice he fought to keep calm as memories from their night started to flash in front of his eyes, making him hope it was just weird dreams.

“An act of lust is the reason we’re here now.” She smiled and let her hand caress his face.

The touch of her warm hand was the kick he needed; he jumped up from the bed, grabbed a pillow to hide himself behind and stared at her. “Are you telling me I fucked you?!” he shouted, feeling dirty and ashamed that he could fall for the trickery of the elves.

“And with great passion.” She smiled and sat up, looking at him with warm eyes like she invited him to repeat.

“And what is that supposed to mean?!” he said with something looking like panic on his face.

“That we slept together in this very bed, shared intimate secrets and finished together.” She said and got up and walked towards him, still naked, but with much more grace than last night. Obviously, she didn’t suffer any hangover. Thorin was trembling there he stood, not sure if he felt sick because of the hangover or the fact that he had been everywhere on the elf witch in front of him.

“No we didn’t.” he spat, his voice shaky and weak.

“Yes, we did, after you brought me there many times before the great final.” She said and let a hand run through his hair. “The words about the dwarves’ skills with their hands are indeed true.”

The last words were simply too much for him – he leapt for the door, rushed out in the hall, recognizing it as the one on the floor above the chambers Elrond had offered his company, and ran down the stairs. He found the door to the sleeping hall where his companions most likely had spent the night and rushed in – to his relief, the sound of snoring filled the room and he headed straight for the bathroom.

He collapsed in front of the toilet and barely got to sit down in a position close to comfortable before he started to puke, several times – again, he didn’t know the exact reason, but he knew that having a hangover when Galadriel walks up to you naked and says you slept together, was not optimal.

As he finally got control over his body again, he sat up against the wall next to the toilet and silently cried, before he curled up with his knees under his face, holding the pillow tight, before he fell asleep.

*

“Oh god, Thorin, are you okay?” Thorin woke up again as Bofur shook his shoulder. “Thorin, are you there?”

“What does it look like…” Thorin mumbled irritated, disappointed that he woke up and still was stuck in Rivendell.

“We’ve been looking for you! We were only 5 in the sleeping hall and realized we had to look for the others and well… We found them here and there, but you were nowhere to be seen.” Bofur shrugged his shoulders before he found Thorin a glass of water.

“And nobody thought of checking the toilet?” Thorin said low and lifted his eyebrows to Bofur.

“Well, the 5 of us that spent the night here visited the toilet many times during the night and morning, but we didn’t notice you then.” Bofur said and suddenly got a nice shade of red on his face.

Thorin wondered why, and then noticed the smell – his legs were covered by puke, and he was pretty sure it wasn’t his own. Like this morning wasn’t bad enough already. “Tell me, you managed to puke on me, and still didn’t notice my presence?”

“Obviously you didn’t notice it yourself!” Bofur said and handed him the water. “Besides, I have no idea who of us the sinner is.” He mumbled and looked down on Thorin as he drank the water. “Tell me – why are you naked?”

“Please don’t ask.” Thorin growled and handed Bofur the empty glass.

“But we need to find your clothes! It’s the only set you have! And none of us has much extra, except from the underwear!”

“Then send me my extra underwear and I go find it!” Thorin hissed and held the pillow tight and made sure his legs was crossed.

“No, you need to take a bath and calm down – you’re covered with someone else’s puke and you’re obviously suffering a heavy hangover, I go find them.” Bofur said calm and patted Thorin’s shoulder with the hope that it could calm him down.

Thorin was fed of all the things going wrong the last days and grabbed Bofur’s moustache and pulled him down so close to his face that their noses almost met. “I’m your King-to-be and the leader of this company, I tell you to bring me my boxer so I can go find my clothes. While I do that, you gather the company and prepare them to leave Rivendell as quick as possible.”

“What about Gandalf-“

“He’ll find us in the mountains.”

“Breakfast and-“

“I’d rather starve to death than being here one minute longer than needed.” Thorin hissed and let Bofur go – he ran out of the bathroom, without looking at him, and Thorin stared at the same spot on the wall, wondering what he had done to deserve this. Then Bofur returned and Thorin gladly got up to get his boxer on – he felt dizzy, like he could fall over any moment, and that made him feel even more sick, but he was determined that he was going to leave as soon as possible.

“Thorin, maybe-“

“WHAT?!” Thorin hissed as he was about to leave.

“The puke.” Bofur said and handed him a wet cloth so he could wash his legs.

Thorin sighed and quickly cleaned them before throwing the cloth back. “Thank you.”

As he stood in the hall in only his boxer, he wondered how low he could possibly sink. He silently trotted up the stairs and down to where Galadriel stayed and silently opened the door – he heard singing from the bathroom and sighed in relief and sneaked inside the door so he could pick up his clothes.

He was about to leave when she suddenly spoke to him from the bathroom door. “Thorin?”

He stopped, closed his eyes and sighed; damned that elf and her sharp hearing. “Yes?”

“We don’t have to speak of it ever again.” She said kindly, like it wasn’t a big matter to her.

“That would be much appreciated.” He said low and opened his eyes again, just to see her standing in front of him, wearing a bathrobe only. “OH GOD!” he shouted in surprise as he had been hoping he would never see her again, but again, the destiny was not on his side.

“I just want to say thank you for a wonderful night.” She said kissed his forehead.

“Yeah, kind of you. Good bye.” He mumbled and left the room, his face shining red.

As he entered his own chambers, the dwarves were busy packing their things again, but they noticed the return of their leader. “Funny night, eh?” Kili teased as he noticed Thorin’s red and angry face.

“Shut up or I tell your mother how you danced around with Lindir’s daughter!” Thorin hissed back, at least remembering something else from the night, not just Galadriel.

“At least I didn’t wake up naked in the bathroom, with nothing else than a pillow that was not from this room.” Kili smirked back.

Thorin turned and stared at Bofur, who shrugged his shoulders again. “Come on, do you think they didn’t notice what you hissed to me from the bathroom, and seeing you leave it wearing only a boxer, after I got it for you, AND leaving the pillow behind?”

“I think someone got to know the hostility of the elves slightly better than the rest of us!” Fili smirked to his brother, a few of the other dwarves smirking as well, while others just shook their heads in something that could look like slight disappointment as it was implied that their leader had been disgracing their race.

“Never, ever, speak of this night again.” Thorin hissed and pointed his finger at his two nephews. “Never, or I’ll make sure you will never be able to even breathe again.”

The silence was absolute – Thorin, who always did his best to protect them, learn them about life and spoke only warmly about them, had somehow threatened them with murder if they mentioned this again.

“Okay, shall we head for the mountains then?” Balin said after a long moment of silence, where Thorin glared at Fili and Kili with his blue eyes not only getting darker as they used to when he was angry, they were close to black. Fili and Kili stared back in shock and the rest of them looked back and forth at them to see who moved first.

“Wise.” Dwalin said and tossed the sack over his shoulders and left the room, the others almost fighting to get out first while Thorin got his clothes on – nobody wanted to risk a certain death in Rivendell.

**Author's Note:**

> Now, how bad was this? xD


End file.
